I don’t know a parent out there that wouldn’t say that they wanted to raise happy childen.  I believe it is far too easy to “say” the right thing. It is much harder to “do” the right thing. Are we raising our kids to be happy? Are we, as parents, happy? Sometimes we just need to step back and ask these questions…AND answer them…honestly.

I’ve made mistakes as a single mother. I think it is important to be a bit selfish. In the beginning I was selfish…but not in a positive way…not in a way that was going to make me a better mother..and not in a way that was going to benefit my children.  Today, I’m not that same mother…I’ve changed and evolved in ways I never knew possible.  I’m not finished either.

I think it is very hard to raise happy children when we ourselves are not happy.  We need to fix ourselves first.  Make ourselves into good, positive role models.  I want my children to be happy, kind, and peaceful.  I need to show my children how to do this.  If I can accomplish this, than I have provided my children with the tools to be successful.  I’m not talking about the amount of money in their pocket, but the amount of laughter in their heart.  Simplify your life, it will become a lot easier to understand happiness.

Zen

Creating happy children isn’t about throwing big lavish parties, going to exotic islands…etc.  Happiness can happen right in your living room.  Hey, this is VERY easy to say.  Honestly, I tend to always want to be somewhere or do something bigger than needed…creating high expectations, setting the scene for a highly stressed occasion.  I’m learning.

I’m actually learning a great deal from the website www.zenhabits.net.  Remember, less is more…except when talking about quality time with kids…i think, well, more is more.  Instead of buying your kids some big expensive gift…um, how about not working those hours it cost to buy that gift.  Just a thought.    Alright, I tend to ramble and go off on tangets…here are a list of basics for raising happy children.  Before starting on THIS list, make sure you are able to check off “happy parent.”

• Be creative.  Teach your children creativity.  Write short skits and perform them, color, draw, paint, etc.
• Play!  Get muddy and chill out about it.  I was a camp couselor in Maryland one summer.  The last day was woodstock day.  There was this designated area that we flooded…it was ALL mud.  We played and bathed in mud for hours.  I felt like a kid again.
• Do not over schedule.  Your child does not have to play soccer, take theater, play the piano, be in boy scouts …to be well rounded.  That wore me out just typing it.  Does your calendar look like a giant collage?  How about re-thinking it.
• GIVE.  Volunteer.  You may not have a lot of money, but there are many ways to  “give” kindness.  I’ve started to make extra food a couple times a week and the kids and i take it to my aunt and visit.  Doesnt take a lot of time or money, and everyone enjoys it.  Win-Win.
• Be positive.  Try to see things in a half full kinda way.  Im not ALWAYS this way, but for the most part, yes.  I also believe starting the day on the right foot is key.  EVERY morning i wake my kids with “its a nice day.”  Helps set the tone.  Surround yourself with positive people.
• Love.  Tell your children you love them…often.  The other day, I was talking to my children and I told them ”even when I get upset with you, I love you.”

These are just some examples.  I am no Mary Poppins, but in the end, I believe raising happy children starts with just simplifying our lives and being happy ourselves.

My son aidan is considered special needs. We have spent the past 3 years with specialist trying to pen point what this means. He has an unknown disease.  Just recently I received an email from his Neurologist.  The email stated that a medical team from Atlanta discovered a “mutation in his mitochondrial DNA.”  This could mean that we have a name for his condition.

Next week we are headed to the hospital to look at wheel chairs and at that time they would like blood work from me to help with this new finding.  After I have given blood, they will send it out, and I could know something in two months or 1 year.

I suppose it is better than nothing.  Im not sure how I am supposed to feel about this.  I cried when I read the email and hugged my children.  It was emotional.  My son is still the same kid he was yesterday.  He loves to be tickled, to laugh, to eat…he loves life…more than I do sometimes.  Children really know how to live.  We really could learn a lot from them.

My aunt passed away on Friday.  She was only 61.  Death always makes you think about life.  It puts a spark under you.  Makes you want to seize the day.  Live life to the fullest.  Death is the example of life.  Yet, my kids at the age of 4, don’t yet understand death…and here they are, living life to the fullest.

My children are the example of life.  They live simply.  They live for the moment, they have no concept of next week, next year or in a couple of hours.  They have it so right.  My point is,  life gives us no guarantees.  I cant worry about tomorrow, or what my sons future has in store.  I need to live in this moment.  Enjoy this moment.  I need to sit back and watch my children.  They are great teachers.  Be more childlike.

I’m not saying abandon your adult responsibilities, stop paying bills, stop going to work..yada yada.  I’m saying relax, breathe…perhaps, abandon that load of laundry that doesn’t really HAVE to be done tonight.  I’m saying your house isn’t THAT messy, let it be.  I’m saying enjoy these beautiful children and play.  Tuck your worries away and live in that moment.  Listen to how sincere your kids laughter is, how easy it is…not a hint of worry.

My kids may not be able to teach me how to do my taxes, not yet anyways.  My kids can teach me how to be creative, how to live, how to laugh.  My kids, from the day they were born, unknowingly, taught me how to love.

Kids do not need a new bike, a new toy or a trip to disney world to be happy…unless we teach them that.  I remember reading a book that describes the dirtiest of slums, the poorest of poor conditions…and yet you could still hear the laughter of children.