How to raise independent children? I really tend to lack the one thing that makes this happen….PATIENCE! Just like the good ole Guns N Roses song, “just a little patience.”

I want to do everything for my kids, not because I think it will be easier on them, but because it is easier on me. The truth is, it’s painful to watch my children try and get dressed when we only have 20 minutes until we need to be out the door. I brush their teeth for them because I can’t imagine them gettin’ cavities. I have to say, seeing this written in front of me, I seem pretty pathetic.

What do I need to do to let them be independent four year olds?

Right now, I’m putting my plan on “paper.”  I’m sharing my rough draft with “you.”

• MAKE A LIST OF WHAT A FOUR YEAR OLD CAN DO BY THEMSELVES. This may sound silly, but seeing it on paper sets the ball going.  My kids can get dressed in the morning, brush their teeth, clean their rooms (as is expected of four-year-olds), clean up after themselves,  put PJs on…
• GIVE CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS WHAT YOU EXPECT. Be specific when you say “clean your room”, show them how to brush their teeth properly, show them where dirty clothes go, etc.
• GIVE THEM CHOICES. Would you like to wear the green or blue shirt today?  Would you like to paint or color?
• GIVE THEM MORE TIME. It will obviously take a four year old more time to put their clothes on, take that into consideration in the morning.
• BE ENCOURAGING AND GIVE PRAISE DON’T CRITICIZE. After one of my kids gets dressed quickly and  completely on their own, I am sure to let them know how proud I am of them.
• STICKER CHARTS. I just thought of this, right this very minute.  I believe i will create a task chart and each time they complete something they can put a sticker on it.
• DON’T STAND OVER THEM, GIVE THEM SPACE. This is more for me than them.  I started putting their clothes on their beds and leaving the room and told them i would be back in a couple minutes.  It has worked out a ton better.
• LET THEM HELP YOU. My kids feel so big when I ask them to help me.  You will soon notice them asking to do more things on their own.

With each and every one of these steps practice patience and include deep breaths.  Remember, they are four-year-olds (or how ever old your toddler is) and it would be very uncool if you were still brushing their teeth in middle school.  Also keep in mind you are the parent, not their friend.  Supply them with the do’s and don’t’s, consequences and rewards of life.  Sometimes my kids have to remind me that they can do it, and that’s ok…we are all learning.