So, I was peering through a book the other day.  I  know, I work in a library so real shocker. Anyway, where was I..oh, yes..book…it was by Michael Chabon. The title of said book was Manhood for Amateurs. Now, the initial quote that stuck out to me was, “The handy thing about being a father is that the historic standard is so pitifully low.”

Honestly, it kind of sums “it” all up. There is a great deal of truth to that. Ouch. Hey fellas,  sorry.  The quote came after a reflection from the author.  He was at the grocery store with his son, who was chewing on a sharp object and had a dirty crusty face.  When as he was in line a woman beamed at him and said “You are such a good dad, I can tell.”

I’m going to go on to quote some more from the book I actually never ended up reading.  “I don’t know what a woman needs to do to impel a perfect stranger to inform her in the grocery store that she is a really good mom.  Perhaps perform an emergency tracheotomy with a Bic pen on her eldest child while simultaneously nursing her infant and buying two weeks’ worth of healthy but appealing breaktime snacks for the entire cast of Lion King, Jr.”

Okay, shew, that was a lot of quoting. Another great quote is,  “I can’t hear you, you’re trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?” But that’s actually from Tommy Boy, and has nothing to do with my blog tonight. Okay, point?

My point is… Oh, right. This is all written from the perspective of a Man that is married to a woman and they have children.  So, imagine what a single mom goes through. Imagine a single mom trying to do it all, all the time (except every other weekend)?

A lot of people ask me how I do it. I don’t even get every other weekend. Geesh.  So, how do I do it?  Well for starters, I NEVER take on more than I can handle, and I NEVER feel guilty about it.  There are some moms that like to be real go-getters, volunteer here, there, and everywhere.  That just isn’t my bag, baby.  There is NOTHING wrong with being “that” kind of mother.  If you can do it and STILL have your sanity, amen, praise Jesus…it’s yours.

As long as you aren’t making me feel bad about my lack of “go gettedness” – have at it.  I don’t feel guilty about not volunteering at my kids school.  I actually don’t work until the evenings, so when I drop my kids off at pre-school in the morning, I wave good bye and do a little “see you later, alligator” dance. THAT time is mine.

I take care of myself.  I use that time to go for a nice long run.  Finish up laundry while simultaneously watching my sick addiction to Court TV, maybe going to the grocery store in absolute peace.  I enjoy doing ALL those things.  Stop stressing, it’s okay to NOT be that mom.  I will go to my kids games, but I will not coach and be in charge of fundraisers.

How do I do it?  I am a VERY gifted sayer of “no.”  None of this makes me a bad mother.  My kids dont think so either.  I take very seriously my time I do have with the kids.  I NEVER waver from our nightly ritual, and I know they look forward to it because they NEVER fight me when I say bed time.  Our morning cuddle time is a MUST, and we talk about what kind of day we want to have.

Mothers put too much pressure on ourselves to do it all…Stop it!  It’s okay. Your children love you!  Make sure that somewhere in that 24 hour day you just set aside some quality time.  They won’t love you any less if you don’t make 24 homemade cookies with individual icing decorations on each cookie. It’s cool. Just chill. And remember they love you.