Single mothers and dating -  yep, I’m going there. I have really tried to avoid this subject, but for some reason I keep coming back to it. I wasnt really sure how to approach it, because I think it’s just so personal. I’ve always considered it one of those “nunya” topics…you know, nunya bizness.

I’m at the stage where I’ve been there, done that, and am DOING that.  Maybe some of you are not and you could use some encouragement.  I’m here for you. It’s intimidating,  it’s scary, and some of you are looking for some “rules.”  I will do my best to help you out.  I’ve read books, blogs, watched Dr. Phil and tried to apply this to my life.

I haven’t talked much about my relationship status on this blog. For one, because my boyfriend is a private person, (yep, I said boyfriend) and two… I really want these blogs to be about US, the single mother.  But, dating is about us, it’s an us issue…one that shouldn’t be taboo.

I have been in a relationship for almost a year.  I still consider myself a single mother.  I have my own place with my kids, my boyfriend lives about 20 minutes away.  We are at a place where I feel more comfortable asking him for help.  We are a daily work in progress, though.  But now you know…I have a boyfriend.

Match.com really worked for me.  I live in a small town and just needed more options.  I had a lot of fun, met some amazing men, most of these men were not right for me, but that’s okay. It doesn’t make them any less amazing.

I am actually still “friends” with most of them via facebook.  One got married to a wonderful woman last year and they are expecting their first child.

I need you to remember, the following ideas are what worked for me…or what I’ve read works for others.  Decide for yourself when you are ready and what is right for your life.

• Where do i start?  How about creating a profile for free on one of the many popular dating sites. Keep in mind that most have a monthly fee, so decide if that is in your budget.   Creating the profile is free, and gives you some practice in talking about yourself.  Read some profiles to see what others have written.  (If you want, I’ll share mine…just ask. It is somewhere in the archives) Some example dating sites:  eharmony.com, match.com, plentyoffish.com (this one is free), and spark.com
• Meet your date at a public location and drive separately.  You want to choose a public place that allows you to hear each other, but not someplace that is so unheard of and remote that you feel unsafe.  YOU be in charge, pick someplace you are familiar with.  If your date suggests a place and you know where it is and feel comfortable, than go for it.
• Make a curfew and keep to it!  No matter how much fun you are having,  DO NOT call your sitter and try to extend your date.  Leave them wanting a second date.
• Keep a positive attitude.  I went on many dates where I realized I wasn’t looking into the eyes of my next husband, but chill out and have fun.  A bad and resentful attitude can spoil a perfectly lovely kid-free evening.  On the other hand, if you feel uncomfortable and in danger get yourself out of the situation immediately. Do not hesitate and do not second guess yourself.
• Be confident and dress in what helps with that…nothing too tight or too revealing.  No need to go out and buy a new outfit.  Everyone has something in their closet they love..that go-to outfit.  If you want, borrow some accessories from a friend.
• As you and your date become serious, you will naturally share more personal information with each other, but on a first date a better option is to keep the conversation light and fun while at the same time asking questions that will allow you to really get to know someone. Some topics to avoid: money, health issues, the future, sex, and ex’s.
• Don’t overwhelm your date by introducing them to your children…(again, drive separately to your date location) and don’t overwhelm your children by introducing them to your date.  There are no rules as to when this should happen, but I’m guessing Dr. phil and I would agree that the first date is too early.  Be smart and know when the time is right for EVERYONE involved.

I hope these tips for dating a single mother help.   Remember that single mothers can date and SHOULD date, when they are ready.  Don’t think you are a horrible mother because you decide to go on a date, casually or seriously.  It is a very normal and acceptable thing to do.  Just be smart and safe about it.