Being a parent is hard.  Being a SINGLE parent is hard.  It gets overwhelming.  Our own needs and feelings get put on the back burner and before we know it we completely and absolutely lose ourself.  I’ve battled with depression and mood disorders since high school.  I’m 30 years old.  Honestly, you name a drug, I’ve probably been prescribed it.  At one point I was on an Anti-psychotic, anti-depressent, AND anti-anxiety drug.  The doctors and therapist I would see were HORRIBLE. They really just confused me more.  The drugs made me feel so emotionless.  I am not against drugs to help someone.  I was a mess those first months after giving birth to twin boys…alone and a mess, and drugs helped me.

They helped me refrain from curling up in the fetal position and crying myself to death.  For the next four years I saw therapist and took the drugs.  The really hard part was losing my creativity.  The drugs numbed me from that. I had really become accustomed to the numbing, though. I had been doing it for years with alcohol and drugs – granted this was BEFORE becoming a mom.  I became a bit obsessed with that numbness.  Until, I just had enough.

Two months ago I stopped taking my medication.  I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS. DOCTORS DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS.  Okay, now that I have said that.  I feel great.  I feel happy and great.  Honestly though, it hasn’t been an easy 2 months for me.  But, you know what the doctors never really talked to me about, getting off the drugs.  They never talked to me about taking better care of myself either.

This was really a gradual thing. I knew I wanted to stop taking them.  I didn’t just wake up two months ago and quit.  I started the process long before that.  It really started two YEARS ago when I started going to church.  I’ve never been much of a preacher, so I won’t start now.  I will tell you this, my spirituality has been a wonderful healer.  I believe very strongly that God is real and he has helped me.  I won’t go any further with this, but it was the beginning for me getting out of my depression.  I’ll share with you some more of my “wisdom”

• QUIT SMOKING AND DRINKING  these are both drugs, and they DO affect your mood.  I no longer use alcohol as a stress reliever.  I also stopped using it as a reward.  “I deserve this drink after the week I had,”  I used to say that ALL the time.  Who hasn’t? I really do believe this has been very beneficial.  Smoking has been pretty hard too.  Its been awhile since I have smoked.  I feel soo much better.  I can Actually BREATHE.
• PRAY I know havent I already been through this?  Yes, I have, but you wouldnt believe the weight that is lifted off my shoulders after I “hand-off” my worries for the evening.  You can pray about anything.  Just release your fears.  Spirituality is really important.  Find what works for you.  Try meditating.  Repeat one feel good phrase over and over again in relaxed position.  “I am a good person” or “I am beautiful”  It may sound silly, but do it when you have those few minutes before bed to yourself.  Just try it.
• EXERCISE  this has been the most powerful drug, yet.  I try to run at least 5 times a week.  How do you I find the time you ask?  I MAKE the time.  I try and take my kids to grandmas a little earlier before work.  Sometimes Im able to just fit in 20 minutes of running.  Its worth it.  I have never felt better.  Honestly.  Now, both of my kids start pre-school and I will take FULL advantage of that time.  Housework can wait.  Get outside and breath some fresh air.
• GET OUTSIDE sunlight is so good for you.  You have to have it.  It may seem impossible sometimes to get out of that bed, but PUSH yourself.  Eat a snack outside with your kiddos for 20 minutes.  Nothing special, crackers, cheese and apples.
• EAT HEALTHY Ha, this I’m still working on.  I do stay away from greasy food.  I can really tell how much it weighs me down.  My weakness is bacon, but I usually try to pair it with an apple.  Um, is that bad?  Oh, and chocolate.  SO, I do have my downfalls, but I make a conscious effort to eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables…and I pass that on to my kids.  They don’t need to know about my chocolate stash in my sock drawer, now do they?
• CUT BACK ON CAFFEINE this is another one that has been really hard for me.  I am actually in the process of trying something called Yerba Mate.  Its supposed to have the same benefits as Green tea, but can be found in “coffee ground” form.  So I will soon be giving that a whirl.
• KEEP A JOURNAL  just something you can keep your thoughts and emotions in…make it your own.  It took me awhile and I’m still not  100% consistent, but I have kept a journal for the past 10 years..I have books and books of my own thoughts.  It helps just to write out your frustrations, joys..etc

I know that everyone is different.  These are things that have helped me so far.  My journey is still new, and my course is constantly changing.  I really feel that adopting and keeping a healthy lifestyle is key.  Surround yourself with upbeat and positive people.  Don’t lose yourself, take care of yourself.

Depression.  This is a topic that I can relate myself with, all too well, especially as a single mom.  It doesn’t matter how we arrived at being a single mom, whether widowed, divorced, or single after having a live in partner that resulted in children. We are at a 40% greater risk of becoming clinically depressed than moms who have a husband or life partner.

According to a few studies that I have read, it seems there are two common factors involved.  We have greater stress and less social support. I find this to be true in my own circumstances.  It takes a lot more daily work for one person to maintain a home and support a family than it does two. Even when the absent parent is financially supportive, we mom’s still have to work an outside job, as well as keep up our household chores.

I believe one of the greatest stresses we have on us is lack of sleep. We tend to save work for after the children go to sleep, so that we can be active in their lives while they are awake.  Add to that, all the other stresses that we are under, which include, financial issue surrounding maintaining a home, quality time with our children, broken dreams, visitation and child support issues, as well as the emotional feelings related to some of those issues, and it’s any wonder we make it through each day with a head full of hair.

Is there any hope in avoiding depression?  The answer I’ve found, yes there is. The first thing we need to do is remember that other people may not understand how we feel, and WE must not be offended by their lack of initial understanding.  One thing a single mom should do is immediately seek mental and medical help if she feels herself falling into a depression.  Even if she only suspects she may be depressed.

Aside from promoting good health and well being by seeing a professional, we need to develop a social support network.  If help is offered, take it.  Family and friends are often beating down the door trying to help and you need to swallow that pride and allow them. I’m not talking about letting them do everything for you.  But if your sister is over, let her help you fix dinner, fold clothes, run Johnny to his baseball practice, or keep the kids occupied and entertained while you run that errand to the grocery store.

Finally, if you are doing things for your children that they are obviously old enough to do for themselves. Stop it. Give them age appropriate chores, and guidelines.  Most children feel a sense of accomplishment when they have mastered something, and feel good knowing they have helped out.  Not to mention, it improves their sense of responsibility. While the kids are helping you out, one last thing you need to consider is “me” time.  Take ten minutes for yourself as often as you can.  It will improve your outlook immensely.